“It will be a joyful chaos“, the goddess Cale told me, the day our group gathered in Hotel Dos Templarios in Tomar. “But that’s the way I work,” she went on with a wink.
Since I started travelling through Portugal, this country reveals itself to me in three aspects. There is the layer of the future, an open field full of possibilities, that manifests most clearly in the vastness of the ocean. There is the undeniable layer of the Templars, since you can find a Templar castle in nearly every town. And there is the layer of the ancient black goddess, Cale: the primordial goddess who creates and destroys worlds and who, from time to time, challenges us deeply. But always with the loving intention of getting us back on the right path.
“Today I will give everyone a slap in the face,” she whispered on the morning of the third day. And so she did indeed. That day everyone in the group encountered a kind of confrontation or wake-up call. Me included.
I had long known that if you take the time to slow down, empty your mind and open your heart, you enter a sacred space. A heartfelt space where time seems to tick differently and synchronicities become visible. A space in which mythology and reality start to intertwine and in which each member of the group seems to take on a role in a larger ‘constellation’. A constellation that reveals the themes that linger in the place where we are. In this case, the city of Tomar, Portuguese capital of the Templars.
I also knew that if we stepped into that field together, we would naturally go through an initiation, a transformation, a shift – both personal, group and collective.
I knew this… But never before have I felt the risk of such an initiation so clearly as I did during this gathering. It is one thing to step into the Da’at – the initiation field of the Kabbalah, which promises knowledge and insight. But it is another thing to get out of it safely, without being seduced by delusion and ego and without getting lost in it. Because the Da’at is the world of angels and devils, the world of guidance and deception, of wisdom and manipulation, of light and dark – and it needs clear focus and honesty of the heart to find your way through it. There is no guarantee that you will; that is the risk of any initiation.
There were 25 of us. Twelve women and 12 men and one person who doesn’t like to think in male-female dualities, but prefers to think in terms of being human.
There was also an empty chair, The Unexpected Visitor, who represented someone else for everyone. Perhaps it was that one young man who carries the true Templar heart in him but struggles to live on this earth, whom we had invited to join us in Tomar and who was present in our hearts, but who had not come to us physically.
We explored the Neolithic stone circle that recalled the ancient druidic tradition that is the foundation of this land.
We explored the story of Iria, the patron saint of Tomar, a beautiful and devout young woman who lived in Visigothic Portugal in the 7th century and was raped by a monk and murdered by her admirer, a few hundred meters from our hotel. A legendary character who evoked the memory of the forgotten feminine, of the killing of the innocent and holy child, of the abandonment of the feminine by the masculine.
We explored the deep anger, the revenge and manipulation of the feminine. But also the regret this brought about and the desire to reconnect with the healthy masculine.
We met the Green Man, so vividly present in one of us, and ready to wake up in others.
We encountered the soldier, the warrior and the grail knight. The Templar as he existed in his many variations.
We got in touch with the sword, as a weapon and as an initiation symbol – and we wondered when we would finally lay down our weapons.
We witnessed the sadness of the Israeli soldier, who recounted the powerful ritual he underwent to take up the rifle and swear allegiance to the nation. And there was the sad realization that there is no ritual whereby he and his companions are allowed to put down that weapon again and swear allegiance to themselves.
There was Lady Justice, who took up the sword as well, but this time to deliver justice and end the eternal drama that has gripped the world for so long.
There was the group card, Healing the Ouch, which told us that we have to heal a collective pain and reconnect to the Great Mother Cale, before we can allow the honorable, vulnerable masculine in each of us to rise again.
We made music and we sang together. We were stark honest, sometimes reactive, but always brave and committed. We saw how aspects of our personality were played out collectively and vice versa. We witnessed how some did energetic work, working on energies others could not see or even suspect. We watched in amazement at how different we all were and realized that no matter how weird the other might seem, we needed all 25 of us to bring this work to fruition. Unity in diversity.
“It will be a joyful chaos”, Cale had promised – and so it was.
But through that joyful chaos, the themes of the Templars revealed themselves, one by one:
Their oath to the feminine, to the House of Bethany, to the lady of the waters and to the great primordial goddess.
Their connection to the sword as a symbol of inner strength, discernment, alignment, connecting heaven and earth.
Their reverence for the Green Man, who reveals the deep connection with nature and its secrets.
Their pledge to acknowledge their light and their dark side, to find the way to non-duality.
Their choice to let go of extravagance and drama, realizing that life is simple.
Finding that pure inner silence, allowing the joy of the moment in the eye of the storm – no matter what.
Knowing that for something new to be born, something old has to die.
Honoring brotherhood (m/f/x), meaning that – if necessary – the other is willing to stand up for you, and even die.
And so – on our last night, the evening of the new moon in Aquarius – suddenly the creative chaos turned into order. In a spontaneous ceremony all aspects merged into a magical ritual of sound and geometry and we experienced the essence of the Templars: a sacred initiation into the temple of the heart. Everything fell into place. After so many years that the Templar tradition had been dormant, smothered by corruption, power, esoteric vagueness and mystification, we suddenly felt the power of our brother- and sisterhood.
We had found our Grail.
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RIP – In honorable memory of our dear young friend Peter. The day after the ceremony we heard with deep sadness that he had taken his own life. He is in our hearts. Reminding us how important it is to take young people with us on our never ending heart quest.
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